I watched the gears flick up and down, the lights causing reversal or standstill. I longer for the control, to be able to play or pause time. But, that was impossible, so I intended to get as close as I possibly could.
The next day, I went from passenger to driver. As my foot dangled over the accelerate peddle, I watched each tap push myself further and further away from my reality into a world of my own. I was no longer plagued by the mundane interventions that dangled over my head at strange hours in the night. I had to focus so closely on the road ahead that the act of thinking became secondary. It was just me, music, and miles of nothingness. For the first time in six months, I felt at peace with myself. My body didn’t want to fight my soul. I was happy.
The flashes of joy I felt in that moment now serve as a drive for me- to reach from last summer to this summer. The ten months in between are monotony- but now I know that freedom does exist. The light flickers within me as I stay alive- waiting, hoping, dreaming.