college update.

All my life my parents have taught me the importance of education. It’s been deeply ingrained within my blood and bones. When I got to college, I didn’t quite understand how I was receiving this so-called education. It perplexed me- I didn’t spend nearly as much time studying or attending class as I did in high school. At the end of my first semester of college, I have understood that a college education means so much more than that.

In high school, I was never really happy. I never felt like I had found a place to be myself. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. There’s so much judgement when you’re at that stage of your life that you try to be what people want you to be. I no longer feel that way. At the beginning of the semester, I was part of a friend group that mirrored a lot of my high school circles. I felt so confined- stuck in between fights and feuds. Soon, I left. I found the people that I liked, and I wasn’t in any group. I became way more social than I had been before. I was no longer afraid to talk to people. In high school, I used to make my sister order food for me at restaurants. Now, I am able to express who I am. As part of my education, I have opened my mind and become far more socially comfortable.

That’s not all I’ve learnt. I’ve learnt to say no to people. I used to say yes to anyone back in the day- without even thinking. Now, I say no. I stand my own ground. I’ve learnt to control myself. Self harm used to be a part of my existence, now it’s in the past. I’ve been clean for months. Why am I writing this? Right here, right now? A friend recently told me he wanted to drop out of school. A year ago, I would have told him to go for it. But, the friend happens to be the boy I am in love with, and I don’t want him to waste everything away. I’ve learnt to love.

College isn’t so perfect. I’ve stopped writing, started drinking more, maybe even eating my feelings. But, it’s an education in itself. Classes might suck when you’re hungover, finals might be hard to get through, everything will probably seem pointless. But, it doesn’t mean giving up. It’s a journey, and one that is going to have its up and downs. Is it worth it? Hell yes.

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